Betrayal can come from many sources, from friends to people at work, to those closest to us such as our spouses or close family members. It can range from petty betrayals by colleagues right through to the big stuff such as infidelity from partners.
1. Realize You are not Alone
Betrayal is an unfortunate characteristic of human nature and even your closest friends can be quick to betray you if aroused by envy. Sometimes we can be betrayed by those who we think should be showing us gratitude for all the help with have provided them in the past.
Whatever the course or the source of betrayal, it is important that you don’t think that it’s necessarily your fault, or is a result of something ’bad’ you did to a friend or a loved one to make them commit such an act.
Some things fester over the years and betrayal can have many motives.
Remember, you are not alone.
2. Accept How You Feel
Sometimes we can find ourselves going back to the very core of a hurtful situation, perhaps we are in denial about what really occurred, or we wish things could go back to how they were before the betrayal.
Another way we react to betrayal is by experiencing a whirlwind of emotions from anger to fear to a sense of loss. These feelings can be incredibly intense and it is completely natural to feel strong negative emotions.
Accepting these emotions and feeling your pain is part of the healing process.
At this stage it is helpful to talk through your feelings with a friend, a professional counselor, or even the perpetrator themselves if the situation calls for it.
3. Don’t Retaliate
Feelings at such times can be very intense as we are confused, hurt and bewildered, our emotions are still raw and so they can make us act irrationally.
Give yourself time and space to assess the situation and try your hardest to be objective.
Dealing with betrayal and coming to terms with the hurt inflicted on you by people who you love and trust is a huge thing. So first and foremost be kind to yourself.
Although it is normal to want to retaliate and seek revenge for the hurt you have suffered, this will not be to anyone’s benefit.
Don’t stoop to their level, instead act with integrity.
4. Don’t Dwell on It, Deal with It
It is important that we don’t dwell on what has happened; if it was a personal infidelity you might think you want to know all the intimate details, trust me, you don’t.
It will only make you obsess about the situation more.
Give yourself time to heal, and stop running the story in your head. You cannot change the past, but you can take responsibility for how you deal with the situation now.
You do need to confront the situation head on, but this does not mean that you must have a fight, just that you should try to address the issue if possible, even if it is with yourself.
Don’t just brush it under the carpet.
5. Learn from It
Betrayal teaches you not only about other people but also about yourself. Did you allow others to constantly cross boundaries, or borrow money from you? Did you call them to account when they crossed the line? The more people push and the more you give in, the messier it usually is in the end.
Accept what is and learn from it.
However, it is important that you refrain from blaming yourself for betrayal; it usually has little to do with you, and everything to do with the perpetrator. But if you are going to carry on with the relationship you do need to understand why the betrayal happened in the first place to prevent it from happening again.
It might be that the person suffered from low self-esteem, it could be just a mistake, it could be anything.
The important thing is that you don’t take the betrayal personally and free yourself from blame.
Otherwise you will carry this distrust with you into other relationships.
So learn, accept, and move on.
6. Forgive
Forgiveness is for you to drop all your emotional baggage.
Try to understand that not everyone who betrays you has done so intentionally or comes from a place of malice, it may be that there were other reasons, they just couldn’t help themselves or did it out of fear.
Forgiveness is about your own inner healing.
